{"title":"Mouse Mats","description":"\u003cp\u003eCompact encounters. Same legendary absurdity. Three original dark-fantasy parody designs in 9.5 × 8-inch mouse mat format.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"the-orange-sovereign-lord-of-unending-winning-mouse-mat","title":"The Orange Sovereign, Golden Emperor of Burgerland — Mouse Mat","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e“A tremendous boss. Perhaps the greatest boss. Nobody has ever seen anything like it.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIn the dying light of the Golden Age, a new ruler ascended the throne.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThey called him the Orange Sovereign.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFrom his magnificent palace of gilded marble, he commands legions of devoted followers, wields a sword forged from pure, unadulterated winning, and insists that every battle has already been won.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHis power is immeasurable. His ego transcends the mortal plane. His second phase is just the first phase, but louder.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOnly one warrior stands between the Sovereign and an eternity of uninterrupted victory.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eYour desk. His kingdom. One final encounter.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Durable 100% polyester surface with abrasion and tear resistance\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Natural rubber backing with a black non-slip base for secure desk grip\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Smooth surface supports effortless movement with optical and laser mice\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Vibrant, crisp printing showcases detailed fantasy artwork\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Compact 9.5\" × 8\" size with 3mm thickness and anti-fray edges\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Use warm water and dish soap to clean spots off your pad. It's not necessary to soak the whole pad. For hard-to-clean spots use a soft-bristled brush. \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"9.5\" × 8\"","offer_id":58356190577022,"sku":"25485824032144888142","price":19.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1028\/2876\/9662\/files\/7119660162927379695_2048.jpg?v=1793360102"},{"product_id":"pit-lord-jd-champion-of-ohio-mouse-mat","title":"Pit Lord JD, Champion of Ohio — Mouse Mat","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eDeep within the upholstered wastes of Ohio, an ancient evil stirs.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOnce a humble wanderer of the Appalachian foothills, JD has ascended to become the Pit Lord, Champion of Ohio and sworn guardian of the Sacred Sectional.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNeither steel nor sorcery can penetrate his terrible defences. His political alignment shifts with the phases of the moon.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEquip this legendary mouse mat\u003c\/strong\u003e and prepare to face one of the most confusing encounters in the entire realm.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eItem effects:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e+20 Charisma (Situational)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e+40 Ohio Resistance\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eImmunity to Awkward Silences\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSpecial Attack: The Upholstered Reckoning\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWeakness: Fact-checking\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eThe cushion has been disturbed.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePIT LORD JD HAS ENTERED PHASE TWO.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Durable polyester surface with a natural rubber backing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Vibrant, crisp printed colors\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Non-slip rubber base for stable gameplay\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Smooth, easy-to-clean surface for effortless mouse gliding\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- 9.5\" × 8\" size, 0.1\" thick, with anti-fray edges and support for optical and laser mice\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Use warm water and dish soap to clean spots off your pad. It's not necessary to soak the whole pad. For hard-to-clean spots use a soft-bristled brush. \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"9.5\" × 8\"","offer_id":58356193362302,"sku":"29759923533943957402","price":19.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1028\/2876\/9662\/files\/3194268808431824320_2048.jpg?v=1793360189"},{"product_id":"jeffrey-lord-of-the-island-mouse-mat-the-compact-encounter","title":"Jeffrey, Lord of the Island — Mouse Mat","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eThe island has fallen. The documents remain sealed.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFar beyond the known kingdoms, a disgraced lord once ruled over an island of unspeakable lore, mysterious visitors, and an unusually complicated quest log.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHis empire has crumbled, yet his health bar inexplicably remains.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEquip this cursed mouse mat\u003c\/strong\u003e and bring one of history's most deeply uncomfortable boss encounters to your desktop.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eItem effects:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e+10 Dexterity\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e+50 Unanswered Questions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGrants the legendary Flask of Meme Energy\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGuest list remains locked until NG+\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eWarning: Defeating this boss does not unlock the full story.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSized for everyday desk setups, it adds cinematic character to gaming nights, streaming spaces, and fantasy-themed workstations.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Durable polyester front with abrasion- and tear-resistant natural rubber backing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Vibrant, crisp printed artwork with rich fantasy-inspired colors\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Smooth surface supports effortless movement with optical and laser mice\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Black non-slip rubber base keeps the pad firmly in place\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Compact 9.5\" × 8\" size with 0.1\" thickness and anti-fray edges\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Use warm water and dish soap to clean spots off your pad. It's not necessary to soak the whole pad. For hard-to-clean spots use a soft-bristled brush.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"9.5\" × 8\"","offer_id":58356193624446,"sku":"17357635975432503536","price":19.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1028\/2876\/9662\/files\/14020781503046708831_2048.jpg?v=1793360212"}],"url":"https:\/\/thecurseddesktop.com\/collections\/mouse-mats.oembed","provider":"The Cursed Desktop","version":"1.0","type":"link"}